capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
