I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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