She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ladies don't puke and tell
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
