sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
