So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
