So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
