pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
