yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
