just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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