when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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