Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
