So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
whose ass print is on the piano?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
