The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
