Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
