I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
