How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
