Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
