I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
