he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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