Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
