return my video game
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
