i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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