Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
