Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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