So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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