1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
