i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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