You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
