I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
