Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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