Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
