I want to make a zoo with you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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