i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
