Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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