They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
