Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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