Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
