I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My dick has a subreddit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
