roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
