You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
