They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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