i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
