I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need water and some morals
I forget how to act sober
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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