Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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