Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
