Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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