i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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