Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
