You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm having to shit out rocks
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