The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
