peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
