**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
