Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
