wanna go halves on a baby?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
